"And this is his 'kiss my ass' song"

"So all of this is a grand example of BS....this is the one place where you can be a windbag and get paid for it." - On being a Literary Critic

"We think of grocers as people that put out the fruit, sell you the fruit, or tell you the story of the fruit....That's right, tell you the story of the fruit. I sometimes hear myself say bizzare things."

"What's the matter man? Are you stoned or stupid or what?"

"It's like you're living in 1999 and love Cheers. You have to get with the program."

"I'm a guy with a sword. I don't do anything else, so give me something to whack with it."

"And some of my colleagues would say 'my god, why are you doing all of this 60's theory' " - On why he analyzed Knight of the Burning Pestle from a Structuralist perspective.

"We all want to be MacBeth or Hamlet, but sometimes you're the guy that gets stabbed in Act 1."

"God wrote it, God watched it....and yep, God stage managed it. God, god, god, that's all there is."

Oh....and anyone know anywhere in the GTA that is looking for an experienced lower level manager/supervisor? I am so ready to ditch the current gig. 

Oh....and yeah....I'm moving out sometime between June 1st and 15th. I think my mom may go ballistic (yes, I've told her)

Dear Girl on the Subway. There were several problems with what happened tonight. Allow me to list them

1) You looked to be 16-18 years old...and I am generous with my estimation.
2) Your boyfriend appeared to be 30+
3) It was before midnight on a Thursday. Everyone on the subway was sober, and therefore all the more likely to pay attention.
4) You were horribly conspicuous and made no effort to hide your actions.
5) You made loud slurping noises.
6) YOU FUCKING WENT DOWN ON YOUR FUCKING CRADLE ROBBING BOYFRIEND ON A FUCKING SUBWAY

That is all.

*Walks into Class* "Do you know the phrase 'To Be Yorked?'...yeah....that just happened to me." - He apparently was having a video sent from Scott to Frost to be shown in class today and it didn't make it.

"Just last week there was an unidentified portrait discovered by the Shakespeare Trust, but it must have been Shakespeare, because clearly he was the only one with a beard and frilly collar." - On the difficulty of properly identifying portraits from the period.

*Pausing lecture for a moment to type in something into google* "Excuse me for a second....I can't multitask."

"They wanted to make it seem like it was something Dan Brown-esque, like he was protecting 'the code' " - On conspiracy theories surrounding the death of Marlowe

"I'm in the wrong century....and the wrong genre of art." - After a Mozart/Salieri Sidebar

"So you have a great father....and a wimpy son." - On Edward I and II

"The difference is that Edward gets buggered by a hot poker." - On the similarities between Richard II and Edward II

"And he just revels in the blood and guts of it, and you just sit there going 'oh my god, did you write this?' " - On Tamburlaine parts I and II

"If you have a guy naked, spread eagle on a table and you have an actual hot poker going dangerously close to his anus, you have a problem." - On Renaissance stagings of Edward II

"You know him as the poor sod that met with a hot poker." (He really liked the hot poker references today)

"If you don't have the History Channel - where it's all Hitler, all the time - where are you going to learn?" - On the importance of History Plays

"What, the King is a Girl? He's kicked you in the head by the sixth line." - On the immediate introduction of a gay relationship in Edward II

"The choice of words is key, he says bosom, not taffeta-lined manly chest."

"Bad kings are wimpy. They wind up beign either sexually deviant or asexual."

"These guys are like the Capos....he's too close to the king, so he's going to get whacked."

"They throw the head of Gaveston at the king...'How do you like this? Here's your boyfriend.' " - On the death of Gaveston

I NEED to turn my fucking phone off before I get shit-housed drunk. Bad things tend to happen.

So, I emailed all of my grad schools asking if they wanted updated transcripts with my fall term grades, and I get this from UofT.


Unfortunately the decisions for this year have been made, and you are not on the admit list.


That is literally the first I have heard from them. I want to fucking cry

"They hint that this is a tragedy, so if you came for some good laughs, now would be the time to leave." - On the first scene of The Spanish Tragedy

"Does anyone know the traits of chivalry?" (Silent Pause) "Ok....has anyone been to Medieval Times?"

"The Knight in shining armour is no longer relevant, he can get whacked by a common peasant with a bow and arrow."

"The image is of her spinning the wheel of fortune, and we clap for our vowels and stuff." - On the traditional Greco/Roman idea of the wheel of fortune.

"Even though he still loves her, he's a ghost. He can't go back and make pottery with her." - On Don Andrea and Bel-Imperia.

"He is, essentially, not a pansy." - On Horatio's capture of Balthazar

"You just told me how my boyfriend dies, but you told such a good tale....you cried....(aside) he's metrosexual" - On Horatio recounting the death of Don Andrea to Bel-Imperia

Bono and the Edge die in a car crash, and are greeted by God at the pearly gates. He says, "Tell me why I should let you into heaven."

"Because we've made music that millions have enjoyed." Replies the Edge.

Bono looks at God quizzically and replies, "I'm sorry, I think you're in my chair."

I think I will make this a weekly update:

"It's not high art, it's for the people who want to see blood, guts and cursing" - On Renaissance Theatre in London

"It's your Nascar dads, interested in Hamlet. Can you figure that one out?" - On the audiences of London Renaissance Theatre

"You cannot be in the clergy of the Church of England if you think that the Pope is cool"